#I’M AN ENGLISH MAJOR OKAY. I’VE READ HIS LETTERS. SO FUCKING UPSETTING

[dreamsclock]

imo c!dreambur letters would be like james joyce's letters to his wife (sidenote: don't read james joyce's letters).

please delete this fucking ask. this is seriously fucked up

[selfcareparker]

LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven��t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

[ruby-dear]

all of them except 77, 78, 81, 92 and 96

Ember, I know this was you. I’m doing it, but that’s 93 questions you’re asking for so they’re going under a cut. 

1. Talk about your first love. There have been a lot of those, so let me talk about the first one I really remember. I was in eighth grade, at the time, and she wasn’t exactly a great person looking back but she was cool and confident and she liked me, and she called me her best friend, and probably the best school-related memory I’ve ever had was her tackle-hugging me from across a classroom. I didn’t even realize I liked girls until she’d pretty much left my life completely. Maybe I’m looking at it through rose-tinted glasses now, but I think that’s okay, sometimes.  2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? Most of my favorite songs are Owl City, especially the older stuff. It has a soft, dreamlike vibe to it that I find really pretty even when it’s depressing. 3. How’s your heart feeling right now? Pretty good, I think? 4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? The fun stuff. Bath bombs, makeup, fancy shampoo. Retail therapy actually works pretty well for me, even if a lot of the time I don’t even buy anything. 5. What’s your skincare routine? Um... Shower? 6. How did you get to be so beautiful? Natural talent and carefully learned confidence. 7. Do you have any stuffed animals? Oh, do I. I have like, seventy Webkinz, and that’s without getting into anything else. You could say I collect plushes, even if I don’t do it as actively now. I have a couple of Eevee plushes, too - I’d say I want to own all of them one day, but I’m like, 95% sure that’s not possible. 8. Best trip you’ve ever been on? Once, we went to Prince Edward Island for a week, and my mom surprised me by meeting up with my best friend’s family, who happened to have gotten a room at our hotel for one night. I think that probably wins. 9. Favorite thing about your room? That it’s starting to look like it belongs to me, even if I want to move somewhere else. 10. Opinion on love? It takes work, but it’s worth it.

11. Are you affectionate? Around people I’m comfortable with, definitely. 12. Who do you look up to? The people who have enough confidence to be unapologetically be themselves.

13. Favorite poet? Robert Frost. When I was eleven, I found a book of his poems, and I loved that book so much I didn’t pay any attention in English class at all.

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place? There’s a lot of songs that make me happy. Hard to go wrong with the Pokemon theme, though. As for things that calm me down... It’s Alright by Mother Mother and Misguided Ghosts by Paramore have both got me through a lot.

15. Do you play an instrument? No. I was supposed to learn piano in seventh grade, but I couldn’t read the sheet music so they never let me play, and I tried to learn guitar multiple times but it never stuck for the same reason.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)? I paint, though not as often as I’d like to! Using acrylics, usually, but watercolors sometimes.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? I took ballet as a child, til they kicked me out of class, and I still enjoy dancing but I don’t remember any of what I learned.

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? Gemini. I think it might have some kind of truth behind it, but I’m not really one of those all-or-nothing people. It’s just for fun, you know?

19. Favorite old film? I don’t watch a lot of them. Does The Aristocats count?

20. What’s your hairstyle? It’s long and wavy. I’m getting blue highlights soon.

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion? Light rain. The kind that dries off before you get inside, when the sky is perfectly clear, but it starts falling anyway and it stops just as quickly.

22. What upsets you most about the world? That however hard we try to fix it, we’re unlikely to get very far.

23. Are you in love right now? Yes. At least, I think so.

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them! I have a girlfriend. Is that the same thing? She’s cute and funny and she thinks the same things about me for some reason, and she knows exactly how much of a disaster I can be and hasn’t run away yet.

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! I have a cat, Little Prince. His sister died about a month ago, and she was the one who usually kept me company (total lap-cat), but ever since he’s usually either close to where I am or comes when I call him over.

26. Do you have a lucky number? Any multiple of seven, but especially fourteen. They’re my favorite numbers for the same reason.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? I try to wish on stars, when I see them. Eyelashes I’m usually more annoyed about than anything.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? I think anything has the potential to work, given the right amount of effort and intent. That said, I don’t think you’re going to accomplish anything drastic.

29. Do you believe in magic in general? Oh, definitely. Just look at the world we live in. How can you not believe in magic when it’s all around you? The night sky without air pollution, the sunlight dancing on the water, candy cane white hot chocolate - it’s everywhere, in everything.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion? Everything. There’s something beautiful in everything, if you look for it. Today, let’s say the feeling of sliding around on a hardwood floor in fluffy socks, dancing along to one of your favorite songs.

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? As a kid, I hated pink. I like it now, though. Blue is my color, light blue especially (particularly with star patterns), so I’ve always liked it.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? Am I alloawed to say wind chimes? I’ve always thought they sounded super pretty.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? I love them both.

34.Who makes you happy? My friends. All of them, in different ways, the people who are still in my life for various reasons. I love them.

35. What makes you happy? Light rain, strong wind, good music. My cat’s soft meow when I wake him up by accident. White peppermint hot chocolate. Fall colors, string lights, Halloween and winter holidays. Ice and snow and skating, dressing up for no apparent reason. The trick to it all is finding new things every day.

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? A house big enough for a family. A degree of some kind hanging on the wall. A life where I’m making things because that’s what I love, and I can try new things just for fun, where I don’t have to worry about money so much. The chance to get married someday, maybe.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup? I do! Unless someone else is doing it for me, I generally keep to lipstick and eyeshadow. I’ve never been especially picky about what brands I use, but I usually go to Nyx because it’s on my usual route when I go on shopping trips, and I’m kind of attached now. Plus, nowhere else I’ve been in person has as many bold colours.

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? I like wearing dresses. My favorite that I still have is a longer black dress, and it’s in serious need of either repair of retirement, but I got it for $20 as a cosplay outfit last year and it served its purpose. I wear it around still, sometimes, because it’s generally an easy fix.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? Yeah, a few times. I vent to my friends, usually, and then I eat ice cream and listen to gnash for a while and eventually I start to feel better.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

41. Introvert or extrovert? Kinda both? It’s complicated.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? Is that... Fuck, is that the one with the letters? I think I got ENFP last time, and when I was younger it was INFP.

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, a or an angel? I’ve had people tell me I have ‘fae vibes’ before, so let’s go with that and hope it’s not offensive.

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? I don’t remember enough of them to feel good about picking one. I basically only listen to music I’m recommended now.

45. Parlez-vous français? A little, by virtue of being Canadian and having driven through Quebec. Not enough to carry on a conversation.

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? Prince Edward Island, hands down. It’s gorgeous.

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? When there’s a light breeze, and the perfect song is playing, and the people I love are there. When we’re laughing with each other.

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! I don’t think it does, honestly? But it does tend to happen when I’m happy.

49. Favorite shoe you own? These ankle boots I got secondhand that have little metal stars on them. I’m gonna be so upset when they finally wear out and I need new ones.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? God, no, I’ve tried. Any heel that’s too sharp or pointy or tall is a major problem for me. It’s part of what makes finding shoes such a pain.

51. Do you feel loved? Not always, but yeah. When I remember, or when I ask, or when I’m reminded.

52. How do you express love to those you care about? I try to tell them, but I’m also the type to engage in constant teasing. I’m the friend that punches you in the arm as a show of affection.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? The more creative ones. The basics don’t do much for me, honestly, but it’s more about the person saying them anyway.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? Make me feel like I don’t have to try so hard to feel like myself.

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? Walking the downtown city streets in winter. It was cold, sure, but it was gorgeous and I finally felt independent for a while.

56. Are you happy right now? Yeah, I’d say so.

57. What makes you smile? Bad jokes, among other things.

58. Do you laugh a lot? Yeah. A lot more than I used to.

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? Punk/scenecore. They’ve really influenced my more recent style choices.

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? Love, definitely.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? With someone I love, and the other people I love there too. Somewhere beautiful. I think I do, someday, but it’s not something I’m so worried about.

62. Favorite flower? Roses. Blue Moon Hybrid Tea Roses, in particular, are especially pretty.

63. Favorite artist? I don’t really have one. I do enjoy looking at art, though.

64. Favorite music artist? Owl City.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? I don’t know. People seem to think I’m kinder than I believe I am. It’s important to me, yeah, to try and help people and to do nice things.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? A few times. They were never anything special, as far as I’m concerned.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? Long, warm baths and cuddling with my cat. Warm blankets and stories with happy endings.

68. Early bird or night owl? Night owl. I’m a night person.

69. Morning routine? Wake up, do nothing for a while, actually get out of bed and figure out breakfast. While that’s going on, try and figure out if anything important is happening today.

70. Night routine? Get comfortable, then write or daydream til I fall asleep.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? Self-confidence and a willingness to help others.

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? I tend to hold back my feelings til they all fall out. So I end up crying at least twice a month, usually. It helps, yeah.

73. Do you like hugs? From people I feel comfortable with.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone? On the lips? Never.

75. Are you small or tall? Small. I’m 5′0.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? Yes. They’re cute.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? Nope. I’ve never lived outside this city, only been on trips.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? I’ve only flown once, and I was two, so I don’t remember it very well.

82. The beach or a forest? Sand or bugs? Depends on the day. Today, though, forest.

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? Evening, usually.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? Yeah, when I’m stressed.

85. Favorite kind of tree? Either maple or pine. I’m Canadian, what can I say?

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? Yes, but there’s only so much one person can do.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? Field trips. Adulthood is sorely lacking in field trips.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? I used to. These days I still read, but it’s mostly fanfiction. My favorite books, though, are Tamora Pierce’s Emelan series and the first two books of Kenneth Oppel’s Silverwing trilogy.

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? Trick-or-treating.

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? I try to let the people I love know that I love them.

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. I have pretty great hair.

93. Do you worry a lot? Constantly.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside? The city. The countryside’s nice, but the streetlights and the city skyline are what make me feel at home.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? I actually don’t know how to tie laces, so no. I’ve never been able to pick it up. I might get someone sense to, if I could find cool enough laces.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? Yeah. It feels good to make people happy, you know?

98. How’s your day/night going? Pretty good! I did just spend over an hour on this, but I finished it, so that’s an accomplishment of its own.

[theboywhocriedbooks]

Whitesplaining In My Creative Writing Class

As you may or may not know, I am a queer Chicano/Latino writer and am currently finishing up my undergrad at UCLA as an English major. I am a transfer student so I haven’t had as much time to take different courses, having to focus on the ones I need to graduate. I have been wanting to take a creative writing workshop since I’ve got here but you have to apply to them and they often have around 100+ applicants. This quarter, however, I decided to apply and I got into the one taught by a queer Latino professor I really admire. 

Our ten week course required that we write 5-10 shorter works and 2 longer pieces. For my first long piece, I was inspired both by both my Magical Realism class I’m currently taking and a ‘Queer Latino Literature and HIV/AIDS’ class I previously took. I decided to write about a queer Latino mortician in Los Angeles at the peak of the AIDS crisis in the late 80’s. The magical realist twist was that this character has the ability to see the memories of corpses that he touches. There is also a little love story woven in between two Latino men. I really am proud of this work because I did a lot of research and it was just a really important subject to me. Now I had to hear what my classmates had to say.

The way our course worked was that the class was given my story a week in advance and they had that week to annotate my work and write a full page of criticism about it. Then we discussed their thoughts about my story and gave me their annotations/letter at the end of class. I was a little bit nervous but I was interested in seeing what they had to say. 

As we began discussing it, I got very helpful critiques. I overused a specific word, certain parts were a little unclear and my tenses were really inconsistent. Then, however, a gay white guy in class decided to open his mouth and speak pretty much out of his own lane. He said “ I don’t really think you represented the marginalized groups, specifically people of color realistic enough. It was a really tragic time but your story is trying to convince us that it was a beautiful time. It wasn’t. And I really just think it needed to be more queer.” He said this all while smiling, as if it was the most helpful advice. 

Let me translate this for you. What he was saying was “You need to make the story that focuses on queer people of color who died during the AIDS crisis more tragic. We need some more darkness.” He wanted some sort of marginalized tragedy porn.

Reminder: My story is about a queer latino who has to handle the bodies, specifically Black and Brown bodies, of those who died from AIDS complications. It also focused on how beautiful they were, in their memories and even in death. Death could not take that away from them, and the main character didn’t want their beauty (not just physical but overall beauty) to be forgotten. It was already fucking sad and tragic. It just was MORE than that. It celebrates their lives too. That wasn’t good enough for him, I guess. 

My professor stopped him from going on, saying he wasn’t making sense and that he especially didn’t know what “more queer” even means. It got worse, though, when I got home and read his annotations and letter criticism. Aside from rude/sarcastic comments like “I mean… okay” he also continued his whiteness overload. 

He said “Love/grief/moving-on stories are dominated by a straight white male population and to write in their mode is, imo, an acquiescence to the kind of heteronormativity we want to be dismantling. Your story needs to be more radical. Give me something that doesn’t feel like acceptance. Try to move away from a love story that could be told by str8 people and make one that feels different because gay Latinos, now but esp then, were forced to be different."

My story about HIV/AIDS, death, and two Latinos in love in LA in the 80’s isn’t???? radical??? enough?? I’m??? And what even does “write in their mode” mean?? The moment I make the story queer, it is nothing like any past love stories. I just do not know how he has the audacity to say any of these things. He said other things like “do Latinos even call themselves Latino?” and “Why are you describing these corpses as beautiful, AIDS made us disgusting!” and I’m like????? Who hurt this white man??? Who told him he had the right to say any of these things to me?

I talked about this to my professor in his office because I was so upset. My leg was uncontrollably shaking the entire time, cos I was so mad. My professor was dumbfounded by his comments and said next week he would say something about how we talk about race in writing and in class, which he did. But then he said something that really touched my heart. 

He saw how upset I was and said to me: “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, literally. He think he does but it’s very apparent he doesn’t. Your story was beautifully written and handed with care. You can tell that you did your research and have a personal stake in the topic. Listen to me now. From one gay Latino to another, your story was beautiful and you should be proud of it.” 

Hearing those words made me pretty emotional. It was a really sweet thing for him to say, especially since I look up to him so much. I still can’t believe the things that white guy said but I just have to remember who I wrote my story for and why I wrote it. It’s definitely not for him.

[janiedean]

Look, the reason Asian-Americans get so upset about whitewashing in American movies when people living in Asia doesn't, is because Asian-Americans ARE AFFECTED BY AN ALREADY IMPOSSIBLY TINY MARKET FOR ROLES. It's based in a really long and shitty history of racism so of course people are going to be up in arms about roles for Asian characters being taken by white people that already have a huge pool of roles to choose from and nobody telling them that they're not good enough for them. 1/2

2/2 If you could almost only be cast as ‘sexy exotic woman’, 'evil martial arts villain’, 'mysterious oriental martial arts master’ or 'sexless butt of the joke’ you’d also be upset at roles where your people get to be heroes, romantic leads and main characters getting twisted around to cast white actors because they are supposedly seen as more 'desirable’ and 'marketable’ than Asian-American actors. So yeah, Japanese natives doesn’t care because it doesn’t affect them and their careers.

… I read this three times and I swear I tried to come up with a nice response, but I don’t know if it’d be nice according to you so whatever. Never mind.

These are all fair points but you know what’s the fucking problem?

That at least on here, y’all market this as **cultural appropriation** other than whitewashing. and you wanna know something? let’s just use g*host in the shell since I guess it was what kickstarted it.

‘g*host in the shell is a JAPANESE MEDIA FRANCHISE’

JAPANESE MEDIA FRANCHISE

JAPANESE MEDIA FRANCHISE

JAPANESE MEDIA FRANCHISE

where does it read japanese-american or asian-american? nowhere. so if you care about the **cultural appropriation** behind it, the japanese’s opinion comes before anyone else’s at any time because they came up with the franchise. it’s their stuff, not yours. and if they think that americans making horrid movies out of their stuff isn’t inherently problematic then you should listen to them for a moment, or the chinese, or whatever, but no, because whenever I hear this argument it’s all ‘but it’s about US and not about THEM’ when you’re… talking about things that… they created. now, there’s stuff and stuff - the netflix death n*ote movie looks like an americanized dumb clusterfuck but uhm I haven’t seen that many people complaining about it (is that because one of the racebends is that a character became black? who the fuck knows), but like if the show itself then is inherently racist or sucks then by all means complain, if it’s not and it doesn’t suck and y’all just out to complain for the sake of complaining (not mentioning what I’m thinking of but everyone who’s been around here understood it I fear) then idk ask yourself a few questions and give yourself a few answers.

because I’m honestly fucking tired of americans-anything complaining about X media being problematic because it’s not representative enough for *their* needs and blaming it on cultural appropriation when the people from that actual culture don’t give a fuck.

other than that:

Asian-Americans ARE AFFECTED BY AN ALREADY IMPOSSIBLY TINY MARKET FOR ROLES

point taken, and then why every time I see a show with Asian-Americans in it or with Asians in parts that are their ethnicity or the likes no one on this shit hole of a website gives two fucks about it? I mean, idk, THE THREE FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO MIND:

marco polo. one white character (and they hired an Italian to play an Italian you don’t even know how happy we were everyone on italian tumblr watched it), everyone else in the cast had Asian heritage if they weren’t Asian tout-court, it was done fairly well, people didn’t even speak English all the time, canceled after two seasons while every other netflix show in existence gets renewed for at least three or four and on tumblr everyone was crying about OMG THERE’S A WHITE MALE LEAD (wow, italians are white…?) and who cares if everyone else was not white and had a+++ arcs/storylines.

the great wall. lol this one was amazing, y’all complained for months about white-saviorism and whitewashing even if IT WAS DIRECTED BY A CHINESE DIRECTOR WHO’S BEEN IN THE BUSINESS SINCE THE FUCKING EIGHTIES WHO USED CHINESE ACTORS OTHER THAN NOT AND SHOT IN CHINA, when it came out I’ve seen one post (ONE) by someone asian-american who said that actually it was a good movie and didn’t do any white-saviorism and the main character was actually a chinese woman who saved the day and wow, it tanked and none of y’all went to see it. (but when tumblr went up in arms about mad max fury road you all went even if it was mostly white actors, but that one was a feminist action movie and this one… apparently was not because matt damon was in it. okay.)

fresh off the boat. I’ve see gifsets from that show maybe thrice from people of asian heritage (tho I think a few lived in Europe) and a few posts like OMG IT’S A SITCOM JUST WITH ASIAN-AMERICANS DEFYING STEREOTYPES IT’S LOVELY WATCH IT. okay, have I seen the whole of tumblr supporting it? blah. no. it’s still on the air so I guess people watch it so yay for them but like, where’s the support for it? idk. never saw it. most probably never will.

bonus: the 1*00 has actually more non-whites (including asians) in its main cast but everyone wanks about it and wants to quit it when they kill off white characters and fuck me if I’ve been lurking in that fandom for a year or so and I only see people talking extensively about monty when discussing a non-canon ship he’s part of when in theory both him and the other party are otherwise engaged (and both canon ships get ignored hahahaha but we all want more interracial canon relationships right?). now that show is hardly perfect when it comes to *representation TM* (like monty and his mom are both asian-americans but from two different nations originally but WHATEVER) but I mean, support what you have so they do better after maybe??

extra bonus: it’s not a role it’s a cartoon but pls also go after people in the v*oltron fandom who are fixed on thinking that if you have two asian characters they have to be related somehow? anyway, nevermind.

I could also rant about how everyone on here hates c*lint eastwood and forgets he made gran torino (which had plenty hmong actors and was not at all racist actually all the congrary but who cares), or letter from iwo jima ie the least american-centered war movie I’ve ever seen (from americans) with all japanese actors (or japanese-americans) entirely shot in japanese, but who cares. I could rant about how every piece of media I consume that has canon well-written minority characters (not just asian-american) gets thoroughly ignored seven times on ten on this hellhole of a website, which is a thing that happens whatever y’all say.

I could rant about a lot of things, but just the fact that you say ‘WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT WHAT THE JAPANESE OR THE CHINESE OR THE KOREANS THINK ABOUT ADAPTATIONS FROM THEIR OWN MATERIAL BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS IS HOW IT AFFECTS US AMERICANS’ is making me fucking want to punch a mirror because y’all are going like

and honestly, it’s US-centrism all over again.

is there a problem with asian-american casting? sure. so WATCH THE THINGS WHERE THERE ARE ACTUAL GOOD ROLES FOR ASIAN-AMERICANS, ignore g*host in the shell if that’s what you want (honestly I don’t even give a fuck about that movie, I haven’t read the manga and I don’t even know if it’s actually racist or not and I don’t care because I don’t want to go watch it) and put your money where your mouth is and go support the things that actually give you what you want, because if you don’t then you’ll get stereotypes forever because majors won’t invest money in things that they know won’t return that fucking money. marco polo tanked? see when netflix comes up with another show with the same cast again. I doubt it will in the next five years or so. but whatever, I really doubt y’all give a fuck when you can have a few nice witch hunt and go against stuff that is popular or rant about how appropriative i*ron fist is when the chinese don’t particularly care about that either and when they haven’t whitewashed characters that weren’t originally, y’know, white. but okay.

people are going to be up in arms about roles for Asian characters being taken by white people 

fair, except that I’ve seen people suggesting l*ucy liu for that role as well. lucy liu has taiwanese origins. the character is japanese. if you want r*inko kikuchi then you have a point, if you want someone who’s not originally japanese to play the characters because they’re asian so it’s all the same…. do I have to finish the damned sentence or do we all get where I’m going at?

you’d also be upset at roles where your people get to be heroes, romantic leads and main characters getting twisted around to cast white actors because they are supposedly seen as more 'desirable’ and 'marketable’ than Asian-American actors

yeah, and every time I see a show or movie where asian characters are all that, as stated above, they tank or no one cares about that show or no one cares about that character.

putting your money where y’all mouth is, again? or should I remember the times people wanted the 1*00 to get canceled because a white lgbt character got killed when at the same time it has representation for a whole bunch of other groups including a canon interracial gay ship that no one gives a fuck about and a canon interracial het ship everyone hates because both go in the way of the interracial fanon m/m ship? (one of which is asian btw but lol as if I ever saw anyone advise ppl to watch the 1*00 because monty is in it. btw he’s a main character.)

Japanese natives doesn’t care because it doesn’t affect them and their careers.

given all of the above this is just so - so terribly US-centric I don’t even know how to start to address it. hey, the japanese opinion about a movie made out of a japanese comic book/franchise is irrelevant because it doesn’t affect them. wow. almost sounds like, ‘we are pretending to care about your culture/your media being exploited by the americans (because yOU COULD TALK ABOUT AMERICANS REMAKING EVERYTHING IN AMERICANIZED WAY RUINING IT 90% OF THE TIME) but instead we just care as long as it affects us and if you disagree with us then fuck you’.

okay, then next time start fucking using the right terms. call it ASIAN-AMERICAN. CALL IT JAPANESE-AMERICAN. CALL IT CHINESE-AMERICAN. because whether y’all like it or not, japanese-american is not the same as japanese same as italian-american is not the same as italian, being american is part of your motherfucking identity and you have absolutely no right to impose it on others just because for some reason in the US there’s an identity culture that tends to reject the AMERICAN part of it and focuses on where you originally come from, and y’all pretending to be paladins of saving other cultures from so-called appropriation or from white people appropriating roles or whatever is honestly so ethnocentric I don’t even wanna know.

thanks and goodbye.

by the way, you know why everyone italian on tumblr watched marco polo with utter glee? because we’re sick tired of seeing that whenever an italian character is on any american media they’re ALWAYS criminals - like you have to hope they’re well-written criminals (ie: ASSHOLES) rather than badly written criminals, but guess why whenever they write well-written criminals the italian-americans go like OMG THAT’S NOT ACCURATE WE’RE NOT LIKE THAT (lol criminals are like that sadly) and then we end up getting cringy shit most of the time. and then when we get an actually decent character who’s not a criminal then there’s people like BUT IF HE WAS ITALIAN HE SHOULD BE A POC again superimposing american standards on us because lol obv. an italian character CAN’T BE PLAYED BY AN ITALIAN ACTOR BECAUSE HE’S NOT DARK ENOUGH ACCORDING TO YOU.

that’s all y’all sound when you complain about this shit and like idk if for people from asia it’s the same level of frustration or not but the moment you go like it doesn’t affect them it affects me when the franchise in question is not even fucking american you need to ask yourself how bad did your ethnocentrism get.

jfc.

also: I have to work in the afternoon and I already lost forty minutes replying to this thing while feeling progressively less inclined for nice discussion about the topic because I’m honestly sick fucking tired of US centrism on this blue hellhole so any wank coming out of this or whatever is not getting answered period because I have work to finish. bye for real now.